D-8 : Of khatam Quran

 

I berjaya khatam quran on the last day of 2022 hip hip hooray - it's been one of my goals earlier this year and i added this into the list to strike off before i perform my umrah. betul lah ek i sejenis manusia last minute dan tau tak apa masalahnya dengan being one? sampai sekarang i tak berjaya keluar dari jadi last minute sebab apparently each time i memang berjaya. lol.

when was the last time i read quran cover to cover? most probably time sekolah dulu. i selalunya suka start over bila rasa macam dah lama tak baca but never really finish. yelah kan dah kalau tiap kali asyik nak start dari awal balik tapi pastu stop halfway bila mananya nak habis but i'm glad i managed to, this year! finally, at the age of 33 - i lebih bertanggungjawab pada diri sendiri haha. 

i love that i was taking my own sweet time kali ni. i read whenever i feel like it without feeling forceful. kalau dulu time sekolah baca sebab well, i memang ustaz datang rumah ajar mengaji so i takleh lari. baca sekadar baca. belajar sebab kena belajar. this time around, i took the liberty to read the translation sambil baca quran- walaupun bukan lah faham nau. but it makes me want to do better. like google for answer, tengok random video ceramah and at one point i rasa macam eiii i nak belajar mengaji balik. maybe i should in 2023.

what's your favourite surah in quran? do you have one? i have two yang i suka, i amal and i can vouch for its benefits, sumpah. Al-Insyirah & Al-Waqiah. i punya lah suka surah insyirah dulu siap berazam kalau ada anak perempuan, i kena nama kan dia insyirah - maybe with some other spelling ke macam mana but i still tak jumpa one yang i rasa sesuai. i suka EE dalam nama, just like mine. tapi Insheera macam heh??? but yeah, Al-Insyirah gotta be the first one in the list. dulu time sekolah kita selalu baca doa ni kan untuk jawab exam lah, before start belajar lah pastu kita just recite blindly bukannya i tau sangat pun maksud dia, yang i tau ustaz cakap doa terang hati. :D but yearssssss back time i macam susah hati (y'all know this one, i wrote about it long time ago), i amalkan surah ni and it did wonder to me. lepas dari tu, i memang tak tinggal surah ni in my solat hehehe. i suka tukar-tukar surah, tak suka ulang-ulang but i'll make sure mesti sehari kena ada include surah ni. also, waqiah. try lah amalkan. it might look intimidating sebab apooo sampai 96 ayat panjangnyeeeee tapi tak panjang pun wak sebenarnya sebab ayat dia pendek-pendek and senang baca. tapi i tak hapal lah so this one, i baca lepas solat. just make it a habit to recite it whenever and look how your life transforms before you. ahgitchew. hah apa lagi??? baca lahhh ingat i suka ke kongsi benda yang i tak yakin/tak suka? ini lah sebab kenapa i belum jadi influencer dan kaya raya as social media content creator tau. sebab if i'm not convinced, i cant pretend i love/like things. kemain sempat kau perasan.

and the best thing about khatam quran today is that i am once again reminded how much i love al-insyirah. sikit lagi nak merembes air mata i time sampai this very surah. macam tetiba kak nita choked, babe. cenggini haaa.

sebab eiii lamanya nak sampai surah ni and lamanya i tak bukak baca insyirah in quran?? look mom, i made it. i made it to the end. tiberw.

while we are here, i also nak pen this one down - like how i felt a little offended with something my friend casually said to me (i shouldn't, but if this still lingers on my mind means i can't help it???). earlier this year she and i were talking about ngaji and all lepas tu i pun macam sepintas lalu cakap lah "oh i'm starting again, hopefully i berjaya khatam this year" pastu muka dia terkejut gila penuh amazed tanya i "eh fasha, kau reti mengaji??? kau tau baca quran???" i tau dia bukan lah bertanya nak merendah-rendahkan i, lebih kepada macam 'wow this is something i never got to know of you' of course, kenapa orang rasa dia paham bebenor and tau bebenor pasal i??? haha. did my easygoing personality and my series of instagram stories fool you? don't. i seem like i overshare things on social media and am being transparent with people on daily basis, i sebenarnya tak. there's just so much i hold back too. hehe. but then i takde lah salah kan my friend. that's how i carry myself, maybe. mana lah i boleh control how people perceive me kan. tapi good thing about this - i feel like i should represent my belief better! i know it's cool to look open minded liberal woke whatever you call it these days. i think most of the times, i pretty much am. but i want people to know jugak yang there are certain things in life i'm being rigid with and i'm not sorry.

Anyway to clear things out - i kenal lah alif ba ta babe. my parents named me FSH which literally translates to the eloquent - yang fasih. the least i could do is live up to it?

D-9 : Of anticipating al-Munawwarah

Athirah bought me this perfume when she performed umrah back in November. Bau dia lembut je i dunno how to explain tapi wangiii. Not my usual preference for perfume, but this for sure smells 1000x better? Makes me longing for Rawdha, walaupun belum pernah sampai. 

Semoga ada rezeki i nak masuk taman syurga kat dunia ni. I ada terbaca, yang paling penting bila kat madinah is to visit makam Nabi. Rawdha tu hadiah - kalau dapat masuk, dapat lah. Kalau tak dapat pun, i shouldn’t be upset lah kan. Eii siapa lah kita nak upset wak. Mana boleh hadiah nak, jumpa penyebab dapat hadiah tu tak nak? Kena tetapkan niat pergi madinah yang utama sekali adalah melawat Rasulullah. But please make dua for me? Let me taste the sweetness of taman syurga so i’ll be more motivated to strive for a better me??? 

Few weeks ago i siap dah termimpi kubah hijau nabawi dah. Athirah pesan doa banyak-banyak dari sini nak mimpi jumpa Rasulullah. Kalau betul dapat mimpi, it’s really gonna be him sebab syaitan tak boleh menyerupai nabi. tapi eiii i rasa takut nak doa macam tu sebab rasa tak layaknyaaaaaa.

But then again, sebab kita bukan siapa-siapa lah kita kena lebih mengharap boleh dapatkan syafaat nabi kat akhirat nanti. I never knew i could miss anyone i never met in life. I can and i do, apparently. 

Semoga ada rezeki i untuk betul-betul jejak kaki kat bumi madinah, bagi salam terus kat Rasulullah and mintak syafaat dia because God knows how much i need it.

D-10 : Of counting days to perform my first ever Umrah

 

Yep. You read that right. :) 

I am now in paradox - between elated and worried. Happy that it's happening real soon insha-Allah but also worried about almost everything leading to the day. Am i really invited Ya Allah? Will i be coming to your home soon? Am i ready? dengan apa yang i ada sekarang, will it be sufficient? i have uncountable sins and i for sure know, You are Al-Ghafur - the All-Forgiving but i want to do my best, i want to be able to optimise my time there. I want to really really really connect with You, ask your forgiveness, ask for your protection always, ask for your barakah in life and most importantly, ask for your syurga for me and for my loved ones.

Semoga Allah jemput, semoga Allah permudahkan.

I have few things i really want to prepare myself for before the day. hopefully time is on my side. i'm almost there!

 

 

Ketongtongtong

 

the year was 2010-2011, kampung pandan rumah tokpah i. organ instrument makndak i, seperti yang tertera di bawah. atas tu ada sebuah compact radio 3 in 1 (radio-cassette-cd dan pelbagai cd lagu-lagu hits masa kini (baca: masa itu) seperti the power of love album etc.

 

lagu yang termelekat di kepala: ketongtongtong

i nak suruh korang teka apakah lagu ketongtongtong itu tapi i bet that's gonna take another post and i takde emotional capacity (dan kerajinan) untuk buat 2 post yang sama pada masa yang lain-lain makanya i akan teruskan cerita i tanpa menguji memori dan kebijaksanaan anda semua.

the song was Thong Song by Sisqo. 

kalau dengar lagu ni tak sah lah babe tak at leasttt goyang bahu. itu at least, selalunya sekali dengan goyang keseluruhan badan. tahun 2000 memang rnb/hiphop tengah menerajui corong radio kita and i was so heavily depended on radio untuk hiburan music di luar waktu sekolah. ye lah babe, time tu darjah 5-6. i takde walkman ke discman bagai. i cuma ada radio yang bukan radio i pun.

fast forward to 2022. i was on my back from my weekly lepak session dengan kawan-kawan i. i was feeling a little nostalgic, bukak spotify and hit my r&b mix dan tetiba this song keluar. woof woof. brings back so much memories of a simpler times. but it hit me right there 'lagu ni pasal thong? like thong yang men interested in lah kot not the thong yang we girls use untuk curl our hair?" bahahaha. THONG AS IN SPENDA???? wait, i was singing my heart out in my primary school to a SPENDA SONG?! i was that wild? leulz. lalu kita pun bukak lah youtube might as well get the full experience of this song sebab dulu dengar kat radio je wak. 

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck
Thighs like what, what, what
All night long (c'mon)
Let me see that thong

Baby (girl, I know you wanna show da na da na)
That thong th-thong, thong, thong
I like it when the beat goes (da na da na)
Baby, make your booty go (da na da na)
(Girl, I know you wanna show da na da na)
That thong th-thong thong, thong

 

sis, enlighten me. what kind of pickup line is this and what makes this man think that he can get any woman by saying LET ME SEE YOUR THONG~ ???  yooo bontot dia besar macam lori, peha dia gapo gapo gapo, sepanjang malam ayuhhh tunjukkan daku spenda muuuu. 

mannn, that's downright creepy imma file a restraining order against you?!!! haha.

lebih menyebalkan abe sisqo ni nyanyi sungguh-sungguh wak penuh soul siap ada tarik tarik syahdu ada pstt psstt hujungnya untuk lagu berkisarkan panties wanita?! babe you kena tengok video clip dia, passionate nya dia nyanyi menari doing flips dan bergelek untuk lagu spenderrrrrrr!

rasa lebih melucukan pabila during this era yang perempuan sibuk nyanyi pasal men ain't shit - time lagu love don't cost a thing -jlo, hit 'em up style - blu cantrell pun tengah hot. patut lah makcik jlo pun fedup dengan jantan babe, dah kalau jantannya sibuk nak tengok spender dia??? tiberw.

 

end note: tahukah anda bestfriend i dan her then boyfriend yang also my bestfriend pernah kasi i hadiah thong berwarna kuning from CK di usia i tengah cantik bergetah mengkal hahahaahah 19-20 tahun? i tak ingat i mintak apa as birthday present tapi i rasa something yang i boleh pakai lah kot lepas tu dorang kasi i spender :( i ingat lagi sebelum i dapat hadiah tu i janji i cakap i akan pakai and amik gambar share dengan dorang (because i thought the present was something i mintak?) pastu sungguh sungguh eh dorang cakap "okay janji dulu dah dapat kena amik gambar pakai hadiah tu???" kita yang innocent ni pun lalu berjanji wak. babi. 

and no, tiada gambar separa bogel i terkongsi kan pada si gila dua orang tu. i terpaksa break my promise hmmm.

I'm back, yet again

 

Hey, salam kembali. 

I'm back, yet again. I always come back, didn't i? ;)

Y'all know kalau i kembali maksudnya apa bukan?  

Ya, maksudnya sama ada i boring, sedih atau pun perlukan distraction.

Changed some of the blog layouts because it's been awhile. I'm trying to write anonymously dengan hashtag #iykyk tetapi macam biasa, jika kita tersasar kita akan delete balik semua posts dalam ni kecuali yang the first one, yang kat bawah ni. 

My header says it all - i'm in this bangtan shit (no they're not shitty you're shit for hating tiberw) for 2 years now bahahaha who would have thought. so much has changed since i started blogging more than 10 years ago, but i'm still here doing some lil talk like i always did back then. sebab apa? sebab deep down this place is a safe space for me. i like writing my heart out dan i suka that in here, i don't have to feel so self-conscious sebab yang tau blog ni je tau i?! nobody knows me here yet you guys know me the best??? ahgitchew. dayum i'm feeling a little nostalgic malam ni (sekarang pukul 3 pagi, midweek, esok i kerja). i sebenarnya nak berak tapi kena tahan sebab mak i tengah mandi (again, pada pukul 3 pagi because we're random liddat).

i lately ni revisit cerita-cerita lama yang i dah tengok and selalu tengok. runningman, the originals, all the kdramas secara random btw korang tengok tak 2521?! eiii maghoh. ending paling shit sekali i dalam semua kdrama i tengok. cerita dia best, jalan cerita dia semua superb hero dia berlakon berkaca-kaca mata bila sedih ahhh i suka, i suka suara heroin bila frust semua i suka kecuali ending dia. but ending is just as important as the jalan cerita?!!! imagine i tulis post ni panjang-panjang dan tetiba i hila---

haaaa geram kan. macam tu lah perasaan i pada cerita 2521. tapi tak pasti kenapa nak kena tengok lagi? adakah i suka disakiti? atau i sengaja mahu alasan untuk memaki? haa amaciam okay kan pantun 3 kerat i. i guess i masih boleh menulis lah. i memang talented tiberw (refer description kat profile i). 

sebelum i habiskan tulisan pertama di tahun 2022 ini, izinkan i share satu lagu khas buat semua. i boleh share live video but i don't want to overwhelm you, this is just the beginning kan. more to come. haha.

 

i am in the shadow behind the stage, i am in the darkness

i didn't want to show you everything including my pain

but i was still too clumsy, i only wanted to make you laugh

i wanted to be good to you

(so thanks) for believing in me

for handling these tears and cuts

(so thanks) for being my light

for showing me the beauty in this moment of life

endnote: jam menunjukkan pukul 3.43am. i dah berjaya berak, semoga i berjaya tidur pula lepas ni.